There comes a time in most relationships when an important question comes up: is it time to move in together? Moving in with your significant other can be an exciting next step in your relationship, but it can also bring some strife. The stress of moving in together can sometimes even cause irreparable damage to the relationship—even if it’s healthy.
Fortunately, there are many things you can do to make the process easier. From planning beforehand to working through the logistics of combining two households’ worth of belongings, you can figure out the hard things so you can focus on the joy of living with someone you care deeply about. At Compass Self Storage, we help people move in together often, and we’ve got some tips for you!
When Should You Move in Together?
The biggest question about moving in together is one of timing. When should you move in together? According to Kara Tremain, an ICF-certified life coach, that’s a secondary question to a more important issue: why you want to move in together.
“There are so many reasons to take this step,” Tremain explains. “Your success and happiness depend on each person knowing their ‘why’s’.”
Common reasons to move in together include transitioning to marriage, saving money by sharing expenses, getting out of a sticky or toxic living situation, or out of simple necessity. Ideally, couples should move in together when you are both aligned on why you want to move in together and are in agreement that it is in both your best interests.
How Soon Is Too Soon To Move in Together?
There is no universal answer for how soon is too soon to move in together, as it depends heavily on your life stage, dating history, financial situation, relationship health, and other factors. But a study from Stanford University found that half of couples had moved in together within one year and nearly three-quarters of couples had moved in together within two years.
In other words, if you don’t have aligned reasons why you want to move in together and defined goals you want to get out of it, it’s probably too soon, regardless if it’s after three months or three years.
Moving-In Tips
Even the most compatible and mature couples can take some steps to reduce the friction that naturally occurs between any two people living in the same space for the first time. Here are some of the best moving-in tips that you can do in preparation for the big moment.
1. Establish an Agreement on Household Chores
Most households in the United States feature multiple workers, and indeed only one-quarter of U.S. households with multiple adults only have one income earner. There are a lot of things this reality impacts, but one of the biggest is chores.
Tremain highly recommends that you come to an agreement and divide the home cleaning, grocery shopping, and other errand running and doing equitably. If you don’t have an agreement, it can be very easy for couples to become unhappy and disgruntled feeling that their partner isn’t carrying the load that they should. “Bypass resentment before it develops,” Tremain says.
Consider laying out all the chores that need to be done on a regular or semi-regular basis. To make it into a fun activity, turn it into a fantasy football-style draft and go back and forth volunteering for different chores. After you’ve got them sorted, you can even trade to get to a spot on which you both agree.
2. Compromise on Key Lifestyle Choices
Moving in with your boyfriend or girlfriend means solving a bunch of logistical questions that simply have to be worked out. When are your preferred bedtimes? How much time to yourself do you need or want? How do you decide what to eat (and where to eat)? What about pets?
Convenience is only one part of the equation. “Agree on a lifestyle that supports other’s needs, wants, and capacities,” Tremain says. This is going to necessitate some level of compromise, but it’ll help in the long run and the short run. “From the cleanliness and clutter of a home to purchasing decisions and sleep habits, it’s helpful to agree on choices and decisions that support each other’s time, money, and preferences.”
Try to remember that living with anyone means compromising and that your spouse or partner is not especially trying to ruin your life. They’re technically your roommate, so approach how you live in the same space in the same way.
3. Learn Your Partner’s Communication Style
Good communication is the cornerstone of a successful relationship. It necessitates a level of openness and vulnerability that is sometimes difficult. But we’ve all seen relationships that lack good communication, and those relationships tend to be rocky—and naturally so.
But it’s not just about communicating well, it’s about understanding how your partner communicates. “One person may need time to decompress after a work day while the other likes to download right away,” Tremain notes about communication. “Understand each other’s preferences and learn to support and work with those needs.”
No one can read minds, but conversations and even arguments are necessary. A relationship without arguments is probably not a very deep one. The trick is to ensure that you don’t carry arguments from day to day or hold grudges. Sometimes even the best of us don’t communicate well when we’re frustrated, so keep that in mind.
4. Consider Working With a Life Coach or Therapist
In recent years, the stigma of working on your mental health has thawed. Over the last two decades, the number of American adults who’ve received mental health treatment, coaching, or counseling has more than doubled.
There are a lot of reasons why you should consider talking to a professional—chief among them being information and objectivity about your relationship. “You don’t know what you don’t know,” Tremain says. “Working with a professional can bring an objective view to help you see what you can’t in your relationship.”
Additionally, you have options for what kind of professional counseling you can get:
- Therapists go through extensive training and board certification. They can diagnose mental illnesses and help you work through past trauma.
- Life coaches offer services that help clients accomplish goals and live life better. Many have training or licensing, but they are not required to be certified.
- Couples counselors are specifically trained to help couples with issues. They may or may not be psychologists.
Tremain notes that you don’t have to wait until things get bad before working through your problems with a counselor, therapist, or coach, especially if you’re planning to move in together. “Getting help from a professional is a great way to launch into this new phase before relationship issues develop.”
What To Do With Your Belongings
In addition to all the important relational details to work through, there’s another more physical manifestation of the difficulty of moving in with your significant other: what to do with your belongings. When you’re combining two households into one, you’ll usually have two of most things.
The process for figuring out what to do with your two sets of silverware, mugs, and more follows the same process as any decluttering project: select items to keep, items to store, items to give away, and items to throw away.
Do note that you’ll want to consider the strength of your relationship when deciding how enthusiastic you are in your vetting process. You won’t want to get rid of treasured belongings in the service of keeping a relationship on the rocks alive.
Get a Self Storage Unit
Whether your relationship has been going on for months or years, moving in together is a big step—especially if it’s into a new apartment or house and not one of your existing residences. Thankfully, you can rent a self storage unit near you to get flexible storage options at reasonable prices. Choose among a variety of storage sizes and find a storage unit that can help you today.
